Tips for a better life

Well-being : love your own body

2008-08-04T00:08:00.000-07:00

It seems that over time our eyes have been trained to see whether or not the person in front of us – and above all ourselves – fits the physical stereotypes conveyed by magazines. I am not judging here, what I’m saying is that this is a societal trend we must learn to deal with.

These past few years, I spent some time wondering about how people could react to their own bodies and how this could rub off on their everyday social life. I’ve seen truly beautiful people who, due to a lack of self-confidence or childhood complexes, spent such a huge amount of time trying to be invisible that people actually didn’t see them. I’ve also seen people who weren’t as perfect physically but who ended up being at the center of the attention simply because they were deeply convinced of their charm.

What we’re all looking for, or what we have all looked for at some point, is a way to erase all of our physical flaws. I went through that myself: I went on a diet, I tried sports, then I gave up, and then I went on a new diet, etc… People seem to address their bodies as if they were the enemy, the shapeless mass from which all their problems seem to spring. What a horrible way to approach the temple hosting our conscience. I realized that this type of behavior was far from fulfilling and could never lead to peace and well-being. On the contrary, the more you’ll refuse your own reflection in the mirror the more you’ll hate what you see.

Nothing new here, I love metaphors. So try to picture a sculptor. When he first gets a block of clay, it’s just a large shapeless mass. If he looks at it as something faulty and useless and ugly, he might be lucky enough to build it into something nice. A true artist, however, will instantly admire the beauty in this raw and undefined material, as what he sees in every imperfection is a way to support his creation. The true artist has to fall in love with the material before falling in love with his/her work. They might feel the clay, even play with it a little, just like a lover would try to bond or charm. You can’t dance a proper tango if you’re not in perfect harmony with your partner. The same goes for the artist; he/she will only be able to create once in tune with the material.

So there it is: how can you expect your body to change when every time you look at yourself you feel the urge to criticize? First of all, you’ll have to learn how to identify your physical assets. Then look at your imperfections and start loving them. You’ll realize that you can actually change things! If everything was perfect from the start, the artist wouldn’t have anything left to do, and well you wouldn’t have anything left to create. Challenges aren’t supposed to stop you from doing things; they’re supposed to make you proud once you’ve achieved them.

Love you’re body. It’s the only way you can make it change. It will just happen, you’ll see. Love brings love and your own look upon yourself will bring others to look at you while you turn into the beautiful butterfly you’ve become.

Get a taste of happiness, within the moment

2008-08-03T12:03:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed that everywhere you look – on TV, the Internet, the radio, on the subway or in cafes – people seem to be obsessed with one same question: where can you find happiness? Pick say 100 people in the street and ask them where happiness lies or how it can be reached, I guarantee you you’d get these kinds of answers: by finding your soul mate, by winning the lottery, or by going back a few years to make that terrible rheumatism go away, etc… In short, the responses you would get could be summed up in 3 main categories: love, money, and health. It is of course undeniable that these 3 elements can highly contribute to happiness. However, my experience has proved me that happiness is already there, in the things you look at with attention. Or put differently: happiness lies within the eye of the beholder.

Let me tell you a little story. At lunchtime, I was sitting quietly in the park. The sky was blue with just a few clouds then and there, and you could feel the warmth of the summer sun peaking through the trees. I had soft music in my ears, and I was totally absorbed by yet another book on personal development. At some point, I just raised my head and glanced at the park from a whole different point of view, I had opened up my heart, I had let go of that judgmental attitude we so often carry around as a shield (you know like “That noise!” or “Look at all the trash on the ground!” or “Those kids are way too noisy! I need a break!”). So there I was, and this is what I saw: a little further to the right, there was an old man wearing nothing but underpants doing his yoga under a perfect sun. To my left, 2 women of a certain age were playing ping-pong and giggling at the wind giving their ball the most chaotic activity. There were children running all over the place, and couples flirting around, and the sun’s light drawing the strangest patterns through the leaves and on the ground. I saw ants line up to go and find food, and bumblebees fly among the flowers, I even saw a rocking horse up in the sky. When was the last time you had fun trying to make sense out of clouds?

In the end, it all comes down to this: happiness was there, in that exact scene, that exact moment. Reality is something concrete, it’s pure data. What makes your moment either magical or totally dull is your own way of looking at it. Will you seize the magic? Will you let yourself drift on that trickle of water down in the gutter? Or will you focus on how old and broken down that wall is, and how disgusting that trash on the street looks?

After some time in the park, I was feeling so good and at peace with the world that I tried to hold on to that moment. But the harder I tried the quicker it faded away. That’s when I realized that you should never try to hold on to a moment, however wonderful it may be. No, you have to open up to it, and let it escape you. When you do, you’ll get a glimpse of the magic the universe beholds; you’ll accept the fact that everything is change. Picture the ocean, things come and go always different yet identical, just like waves. As a consequence, happiness lies within the moment, but also, and above all, in its impermanence. For it is because there is an end that there can be another beginning.

Learning to know yourself in order to find peace

2008-07-31T12:43:00.000-07:00

He advances slowly behind the line of passengers, the light of Apollo biting his flesh with its burning rays… Fatigue, waiting, thirst, none of this is of any importance when traveling from Thessaly to find the answer, to hear the words of the Gods… Suddenly, at the bend of a rock, the landscape delivers all its splendor, and before the amazed eyes of the traveler stands the temple of Delphi, the seat of the Great Oracle once blessed by the God of the Sun himself. The man takes a hesitant step forward, both frightened and anxious. While he moves towards the threshold of the temple, his eyes rise to contemplate the pediment hosting these timeless words: Know Thyself…

When searching for solutions to improve our lives, when searching for a way out of our problems, we often tend to run faster, and seek out answers that are actually within our own selves. To know yourself is to accept to embrace your inner-light as well as your dark side. Even though it’s true, people often have difficulties acknowledging that when you’re feeling depressed, when everything seems flavorless, it’s usually because you’re refusing to be yourself, you’re denying problems rather than confronting them. Self-acceptance is probably one of the hardest things to achieve. Accepting your decisions, your failures, who you are, what gives you wings, your doubts, your fears… However, the journey – for whoever dares take the first step – is often filled with great magic. Sometimes you might fall; you will always get back on your feet and continue on this adventure. At the end of the road, a deep sense of peace awaits the traveler, a feeling of wholeness and peace of mind that I can personally only find on hot summer nights, when the scent of wild flowers and fruits gently tickles my nostrils while I lay there on the grass contemplating an indigo sky lit with thousands of stars.

So how can you achieve this feeling of peace? I’m not going to lie to you, the answer is both extremely simple and extremely complicated. It’s simple because it all comes down to 3 words: accept, love, create. Being at peace with yourself starts with accepting and understanding that happiness does not come from the eye that is laid upon you but from the way you look at yourself. This means you will have to find the strength to forgive yourself for your own mistakes, the strength to stay true to your ideals, and to take responsibility for every aspect of our personality while avoiding compromising with our conscience. And then love… love who you are, love your life, understand that you were not put here to suffer but to live life to the fullest, to experience, and to evolve. Finally, you will have to dream and create the reality you wish for in practicing looking at things in a different way. If a relationship is tying you down, then look at it differently and take a step away. Best case scenario, your partner will change his/her behavior. If not, they didn’t deserve you anyway. On the other hand, if you find that someone makes you happy, get closer, accept this feeling and open up your heart to them. Maybe your feelings will not be returned, however, in my opinion, it is better to have tried than to have regrets.

What usually prevents one from taking the first step in this inner-journey is fear… Fear of the way they are looked at, fear of what they could lose, fear of being themselves. Fear is man’s greatest enemy. So I invite you to close your eyes for a moment. Inhale, exhale, and accept yourself for who you are. If you are reading these lines, you most likely wish to make your life even better. Therefore you're halfway there. Congratulations!

Positive thinking : seeing the bright side of life

2008-07-31T12:40:00.000-07:00

What is life? I guess it can be defined as a succession of adventures, a series of highs and lows, a long and winding road that sometimes feels like a sunny day and sometimes like a cold storm… When traveling, what makes the adventure so extraordinary is in the way you look at the people and things around. Picture yourself on vacation in a far away country; picture your train breaking down in the middle of an exotic landscape. Are you going to sit there and whine about destiny? Probably not. I reckon you’ll enjoy the amazing scenery, you might even feel like taking a nap in the cool shade of a fig tree… Why does this problem seem so irrelevant, compared with the anger you might feel if the same occurred on your good old commute? Simply because you would look at the situation differently, you would be in a very different state of mind. What this example shows you is that you can be grateful for this little break as it gives you the opportunity to fully enjoy something as simple as an exotic landscape…

In the end, life could be way easier with a different approach on things. When you focus on a problem, you give it strength; you nourish it with your own energy, thus anchoring it deeper into your life. This is actually a key concept in the Laws of Attraction theory. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that denying the problem in the right answer, on the contrary. But look at it this way: when someone is feeling depressed and focuses only on their inner-grayness, they are in total denial of both their ability to be happy and all the good things around them. If you focus on the good stuff (friends, family, even work sometimes, the penny you found on the street earlier, or just your hopes and dreams), you will be able to increase your positive vibrations, break the vicious circle, and start a new chapter in your life.

Why does happiness bread happiness? Why do those people who look like they already have everything seem to get even luckier? The answer is simple: while focusing on the positive things, they send a signal to the universe saying “I want more”. And it works!! Again, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that we are responsible for all our problems. That would of course be far too simplistic. There is however a certain amount of truth in that statement. When you focus on what’s going wrong, you get stuck in that moment first of all, but you’re also sending out this message: I want more of this! Let me explain, energies attracts similar energies, it’s a fundamental law. In this case, the energy put into the contemplation of the problem attracts even more of this problem and amplifies it on a cosmic level.

Now the question you might ask yourself is “How can I achieve positive thinking?” You can start by practicing smile therapy. Even when you are feeling down, try to smile your way through. Don’t forget that your body stores emotions caused by this gesture, which means that whenever you’ll smile, you’ll instantly feel happier. Try it, it costs nothing! Then you might want to focus on the good things in your life. You may find them in the little details as well as in whole phases in your existence. Think about it, if you look closely enough, I’m sure there’s at least one thing that makes you feel grateful (if only to have easily found a parking space this morning).

Sensuality

2008-07-31T12:37:00.000-07:00

What exactly is sensuality? It’s quite interesting to see how people usually react to this word. Many will picture fantasies and feel both discomfort and desire. Yet sensuality is most healthy, simple, and human. It has nothing to do with either photoshopped pictures on the covers of celebrity mags, or any graphic experience you could compare with those of either Casanova or the Marquise de Merteuil. No, sensuality is simply a way of belonging to the world, a way of embracing life and the world as a whole.

Now although my interpretation isn’t precisely that of Kashmir Tantric tradition, I admit it highly inspired me. Can be described as sensual he/she who fully acknowledges his/her potential as a human being, and finds his place within the core of the universe. To be sensual is simply to know how to celebrate life and partner(s) while enjoying in every sense. It’s getting lost in your partner’s eyes in the same way you would give in to fascination while gazing at a star-lit sky on a warm summer night. It’s tasting their skin like you would taste a delicious wine, it’s inhaling their scent as you would inhale that of a wild flower, it’s feeling their velvety skin and uncovering it’s uniqueness with delight. To be sensual is to let your heart beat in time with the sound of music or of bed sheets being creased.

These days, people seem to be so obsessed with performance and overwhelmed by competition that they end up convinced that sensuality can be measured by physical appearance or relationship statistics. Unfortunately, this kind of approach usually rules out the notion of true pleasure. It would be way more fulfilling to just be able to celebrate your union with the world around you as a couple, and to just let yourself flow with all the sensations it brings.

If you have not yet experienced such a feeling of wholeness, I would advise you to stop chasing after performance and appearance right away, and simply be yourself. Open up to all the sensations and flows around you. Celebrate the true feast that life is, and you’ll find it will bring you a whole range of new flavors to experience.